[ ah, this is why he has been feeling a sense of dread after ensuring that blade rested. he considers for a brief moment not responding, he could simply ignore the call but were he to do that than wei wuxian would haunt him until he responds.
so it is with overwhelming resignation that he answers... ]
[Oh Jing Yuan, you know Wei Ying so well. No where on the island would be safe until he got the information he wanted. Well, more like confirmation.]
Oh, one of the ones you mentioned before? [A pause, deafening, building the sensation of dread as he leaned back in one of these DIY chairs Argenti or Shio probably made.]
Your A-Xing, right? [:)] You must like him a lot if you promised not to let him slip between your fingers, Yuan'er.
It isn't eavesdropping if I just happened to hear it on the wind. [Which to be fair isn't a lie, but yeah he was eavesdropping after hearing a just a little and he doesn't sound the least bit apologetic about it.]
You are incorrigible, Wei Ying. [ he was definitely eavesdropping jing yuan knows this, he knows the other far too well to believe such a denial. ] Yes, he is one of those old friends I mentioned to you before.
[ he exhales heavily and reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. he could hang up right now, for what little good that will actually do. wei wuxian has latched onto a bone and is unlikely to let go until he is satisfied. ]
[That insistence is all the answer Wei Wuxian needed. But he wanted Jing Yuan to say it himself. Probably to even acknowledge it in the first place if he was being so dodgy about it.]
[ another exhale, heavier than the last, and he runs his hand over his face. they both know the answer to the question, but saying it? admitting it openly? something about that feels like pulling teeth. perhaps it is the habit he has carried from his last life to now, burying his own feelings deep in favour of ensuring the happiness of others. ]
...Yes. [ it is a quiet admittance, half muffled behind folded hands. ] I have cared for him for longer than I can truly remember. Not only him.
[That's the kind of mindset one bound to duty adopts, huh? Or so Wei Wuxian could discern. Jing Yuan has always been like that, maybe he was like that long before they crossed one another's path.
There's a tangible sense of satisfaction from the other line in the way Wei Wuxian sounded, as if he'd sat up pridefully from his position of leaning back.]
Is there someone else you like too? Who are these two to you?
[ wei wuxian is lucky that he is not nearby for he would be getting zapped for that tangible sense of satisfaction (a little zap isn't violence), instead he gets little more than an mildly annoyed noise. ]
Who are they to me? [ he laughs lowly. ] They are everything and had I never moved to this city I would have never realized that. I would have done anything for them were it not for the mantle of leader that hung so heavily on my shoulders in our past lives.
["They are everything." And had one drastic change not happened, he would never have realized. That tugged on an ache from a void in Wei Wuxian's heart he'd been passively aware of since joining POKEGO.
That mantle of leader no longer weight on Jing Yuan, at least not as heavily as it must have in his past life. So then.]
[ he falls silent again as the question bounces around his head. is there a reason he hasn't told them? they have all but welcomed him with opens arms, offering him a place to stay with them. they have reached out to him more than once, all but told him that he is dear to them. so why has he not done the same? ]
I'm not sure. [ a beat. ] They are happy together here, and they deserve to be happy after all that happened. I don't want to intrude on it.
... Yuan'er, are you saying you don't deserve to be happy too?
[It's exceedingly rare to hear Wei Ying take such a serious tone. But he won't stand for his friend making such an implication no matter how complicated the situation. Honestly it didn't even feel so complicated.]
If you can't think of a good reason not to tell them, then it means you should tell them. Unless they're the ones who made you believe you'd be intruding. They're not though, are they?
That isn't what I am saying. [ is it? if that isn't what he is saying then what exactly is it? he can't say for certain. what is important to him is their continued happiness, the peace they so rightly deserved in the last life but were cruelly denied. ] I am happy as long as they are, Wei Ying.
[ even if it means he must stand on the shore once again. ]
They aren't, if anything they have welcomed me back into their lives with open arms. I do not think I could part with them even if I wished to.
[Jing Yuan is happy if they are happy. But that would not leave Jing Yuan fulfilled. Is there not a moment at dawn where the stars, the sun and the moon share the same sky every day? Did he not deserve to live in that moment?]
If they have, don't you think they would want to hear how you feel about them? You're not good at coming up with a reason to not tell them. I don't know how someone so smart convinced himself to do something so stupid.
Don't you? Do you remember who was there to help you through those dark days, Wei Ying? You did not think my actions stupid then.
[ he knows his friend only means to help, to nudge him in the direction that jing yuan is already leaning towards. but, old habits die hard and he cannot help but retreat back into the shell of the arbiter-general. ]
[Congratulations, that actually got Wei Ying to shut up for a moment. A deafeningly long moment, caught between different flavors of frustration in remembering his foolishness of his young adulthood and continuing to see Jing Yuan deflect.
But it took a deflector to speak to one, didn't it? This isn't about Wei Ying.]
It's your actions now that we're talking about, Yuan'er. Your happiness. If they welcomed you back into their life, doesn't that mean they wouldn't accept you disregarding your happiness?
[He welcomed Wei Ying back despite it all. The circumstances were massively different, maybe Wei Ying didn't deserve it, but because of that he was deeply invested in seeing Jing Yuan have a bright future with these old friends.]
[ when did his friend become so wise? so logical? if the conversation was not focused on squarely on jing yuan's actions, his hesitance to allow himself the happiness he wants so desperately for others, he would think to tease wei wuxian. he would think to tell him how proud he is of his dear friend, of how far he has come since those troublesome days.
but those words stay lodged in his throat, much like the feelings he's kept so stubbornly under lock and key. ]
I cannot speak for them, nor can I give you a good enough reason for why my lips have remained so sealed. Were it a simpler matter, then perhaps I would have already spoken my piece. But the matters of the heart are never simple and I do not wish to invite potential disaster on the hard won life they have built for themselves.
Perhaps it is stupid, but I cannot risk losing them again. [ not like her, slipping through his fingers just as she did last time. ] People are easily misread, especially in matters such as these, and I do not want to risk what connection we have now in the hopes for more.
[A life of mistakes followed by remembering two more of the same gives a man a different perspective. It's a good thing this wasn't about Wei Wuxian. God knows he wasn't praised often and such a tease actually would make him fumble a little.
He'll concede that matters of the heart were very, very complicated and that he didn't know all sides involved. But call it intuition, Wei Wuxian had the feeling that as sensitive as this situation was a man wouldn't let Jing Yuan carry him across the island and all but cuddle against him if sharing would invite disaster.]
What makes you so sure it will invite disaster? You won't know unless you take the chance. If you don't and you miss it, won't that be worse for your happiness and theirs if they wanted you to say something all along? You have been talking about their happiness this entire time.
[ 'you may not find them in the next life, yuan'er.
he falls silent at those words and a moment passes, then another, and another. it is true he may very well not find them in the next life, or worse the past will repeat and he will find himself at arms length once again. alone with an ache that never fades as the same tragedy befalls them all and he is helpless to prevent it. the thought sits heavily on his shoulders, learned habits from his previous life clashing violently wei wuxian's words.
didn't blade call him someone dear? didn't dan heng invite him to move in with them? had he truly not considered that jing yuan himself may be a part of that happiness he is so determined to protect? perhaps wei wuxian is right to call him stupid. ]
You may be right, I may not find them in the next life. Although I am afraid it is not as simple as telling them all that has sat in my chest.
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so it is with overwhelming resignation that he answers... ]
An old friend, he worked himself to exhaustion.
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Oh, one of the ones you mentioned before? [A pause, deafening, building the sensation of dread as he leaned back in one of these DIY chairs Argenti or Shio probably made.]
Your A-Xing, right? [:)] You must like him a lot if you promised not to let him slip between your fingers, Yuan'er.
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Hm, Wei Ying it is rude to eavesdrop.
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It isn't eavesdropping if I just happened to hear it on the wind. [Which to be fair isn't a lie, but yeah he was eavesdropping after hearing a just a little and he doesn't sound the least bit apologetic about it.]
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You are incorrigible, Wei Ying. [ he was definitely eavesdropping jing yuan knows this, he knows the other far too well to believe such a denial. ] Yes, he is one of those old friends I mentioned to you before.
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[Jing Yuan knows exactly what Like means here.]
1/3
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He is important.
[ jing yuan you aren't answering the question. ]
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But do you like him, Yuan'er?
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[ why is he so insistent about this? does it matter? ]
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You do, don't you?
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...Yes. [ it is a quiet admittance, half muffled behind folded hands. ] I have cared for him for longer than I can truly remember. Not only him.
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There's a tangible sense of satisfaction from the other line in the way Wei Wuxian sounded, as if he'd sat up pridefully from his position of leaning back.]
Is there someone else you like too? Who are these two to you?
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Who are they to me? [ he laughs lowly. ] They are everything and had I never moved to this city I would have never realized that. I would have done anything for them were it not for the mantle of leader that hung so heavily on my shoulders in our past lives.
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That mantle of leader no longer weight on Jing Yuan, at least not as heavily as it must have in his past life. So then.]
Is there a reason you haven't told them here?
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I'm not sure. [ a beat. ] They are happy together here, and they deserve to be happy after all that happened. I don't want to intrude on it.
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[It's exceedingly rare to hear Wei Ying take such a serious tone. But he won't stand for his friend making such an implication no matter how complicated the situation. Honestly it didn't even feel so complicated.]
If you can't think of a good reason not to tell them, then it means you should tell them. Unless they're the ones who made you believe you'd be intruding. They're not though, are they?
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[ even if it means he must stand on the shore once again. ]
They aren't, if anything they have welcomed me back into their lives with open arms. I do not think I could part with them even if I wished to.
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[Jing Yuan is happy if they are happy. But that would not leave Jing Yuan fulfilled. Is there not a moment at dawn where the stars, the sun and the moon share the same sky every day? Did he not deserve to live in that moment?]
If they have, don't you think they would want to hear how you feel about them? You're not good at coming up with a reason to not tell them. I don't know how someone so smart convinced himself to do something so stupid.
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[ he knows his friend only means to help, to nudge him in the direction that jing yuan is already leaning towards. but, old habits die hard and he cannot help but retreat back into the shell of the arbiter-general. ]
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But it took a deflector to speak to one, didn't it? This isn't about Wei Ying.]
It's your actions now that we're talking about, Yuan'er. Your happiness. If they welcomed you back into their life, doesn't that mean they wouldn't accept you disregarding your happiness?
[He welcomed Wei Ying back despite it all. The circumstances were massively different, maybe Wei Ying didn't deserve it, but because of that he was deeply invested in seeing Jing Yuan have a bright future with these old friends.]
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but those words stay lodged in his throat, much like the feelings he's kept so stubbornly under lock and key. ]
I cannot speak for them, nor can I give you a good enough reason for why my lips have remained so sealed. Were it a simpler matter, then perhaps I would have already spoken my piece. But the matters of the heart are never simple and I do not wish to invite potential disaster on the hard won life they have built for themselves.
Perhaps it is stupid, but I cannot risk losing them again. [ not like her, slipping through his fingers just as she did last time. ] People are easily misread, especially in matters such as these, and I do not want to risk what connection we have now in the hopes for more.
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He'll concede that matters of the heart were very, very complicated and that he didn't know all sides involved. But call it intuition, Wei Wuxian had the feeling that as sensitive as this situation was a man wouldn't let Jing Yuan carry him across the island and all but cuddle against him if sharing would invite disaster.]
What makes you so sure it will invite disaster? You won't know unless you take the chance. If you don't and you miss it, won't that be worse for your happiness and theirs if they wanted you to say something all along? You have been talking about their happiness this entire time.
You may not find them in the next life, Yuan'er.
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he falls silent at those words and a moment passes, then another, and another. it is true he may very well not find them in the next life, or worse the past will repeat and he will find himself at arms length once again. alone with an ache that never fades as the same tragedy befalls them all and he is helpless to prevent it. the thought sits heavily on his shoulders, learned habits from his previous life clashing violently wei wuxian's words.
didn't blade call him someone dear? didn't dan heng invite him to move in with them? had he truly not considered that jing yuan himself may be a part of that happiness he is so determined to protect? perhaps wei wuxian is right to call him stupid. ]
You may be right, I may not find them in the next life. Although I am afraid it is not as simple as telling them all that has sat in my chest.
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